Of Course You're Exhausted...

This week’s report is coming at you early in preparation of the full moon on 12/12 which will occur at 12:12am. We’ve got twin angel numbers here (moon in Gemini also, so more twins!), representing culmination, the turning over of a cycle, love and partnership, and twin flame energy. 

If you’ve been dealing with a resurgence of emotional trauma coming up in the past few weeks, you’re not alone. It’s been a purging period. For myself, I’ve been exploring a new relationship and emotional intimacy which has put me ass-deep into a HUGE exhausting mess of old energies and fears rising up. It wasn’t until I realized what this full moon was that it all seemed to make sense. (Hey my fellow sensitive earth empaths - how often do we have to tell ourselves that we are crazy only to be reminded that we’re actually in perfect alignment with how the universe is shifting and moving? Goodness gracious.) 

So I want to encourage you to allow your purging this week leading up to the full moon. I want to encourage you that what you’re feeling doesn’t make you crazy. I want you remind you that even if you feel like you’ve been doing nothing but sitting in grief and you’re absolutely exhausted, you’ve actually been doing the Big Work.

Because of course you’re exhausted. 

When you’re actively working with emotional trauma, you are mediating between your body’s original responses to trauma, which can be incredibly visceral, your brain’s automatic conditioned responses and implications from that trauma, AND simultaneously teaching yourself a new way to process it and work through it. 

You are actively trying to calm your nerves, reminding them that what your brain is saying may not be true. You are trying to stop your brain’s impulse to send out the adrenaline alarm bells that create hormonal changes and stress in your body. 

You are calming your body, teaching it how to breathe again. How to relax its muscles. How to expand instead of contract. Teaching it how to feel safe, even when history and adrenaline is trying to convince it otherwise. 

You are feeling your feelings. You are doing your best to send out love and compassion for yourself when all you want to do is cry or give up or isolate. 

OF COURSE YOU’RE FUCKING TIRED. 

But you’re literally changing your brain. Your body. Your emotions. Your energy. You are changing everything. Shaking out the entirety of your experience and using a sifter to separate the dirt from the stardust. 

Don’t forget to reach out for help even when you tell yourself you can’t or shouldn’t. When you choose to reach out instead of isolating, you’re rewiring your brain to accept community and support. Don’t forget to rest. Eat plenty. Move and stretch. Sleep more than you think you need to. It’s okay to not be okay.