Crying With The Moon

This week I cried with the moon. 

Not once, but twice. 

The first time, my period was really late. I knew it was coming, but it seemed trapped in my body, like it was waiting for something to happen first. I had so much anxiety, over both its lateness and many other things happening. I was working with some themes around feminine and masculine romance, and also pushing away some uncomfortable feelings brought on by that work. And so I drove up to the overlook, and was immediately taken by the sight of the large crescent moon, bathed in glowing red light. It was setting over the mountains, and I instantly and automatically cried. I gave her my fears and my insecurities and she accepted them. I said goodbye to the bleeding moon as she fell behind the mountains and went home, where I finally started bleeding the same night.

The second time, days later, I trudged into the woods through the fresh snow, my uncontrollable sobs echoing between the birch trees. For a few paces, I ran clumsily in my winter boots, as if I could outrun my feelings. Then I stopped entirely, looking up to the clouds…I knew it would be dark soon. I fell onto my knees from the sheer weight of my emotions and all the pain I was trying to pretend wasn’t there. But as I stared into the cloudy darkening sky, most of my body now submerged in snow, the moon, now much larger than before, peeked out for a minute, bright and demanding. Once again, she accepted my feelings. 

When was the last time you sobbed in a forest,

your breath labored against the silence of the snow,

because you knew your body could no longer hold the size of your emotions,

but the moon whispered to you that she could? 

Sometimes our bodies don’t have enough space for our feelings. We need release. We need a larger container. But the body has a wisdom of its own, and its wisdom often says, “Please. Take me somewhere safe.” 

Nothing compares to the complete acceptance of nature. No man or beast has the capacity for the true size of your feelings. But the moon does. The forest does. The goddess does. And so once again, in between sobs, I whispered my devotion to her as my primary lover in this world. 

Practices and Questions to Ask Yourself:

-When was the last time you took your feelings into nature? Have you ever cried in the woods? Screamed at the sky? Let yourself experience the kind of embrace nature gives you when you bring your feelings to her. 

-What feelings are too big to be held in your body? What feelings are too big to be held by others? How can you express them outside of your body? What does self-care look like for you when it comes to overwhelming emotions?