Of Course You're Exhausted...
When you’re actively working with emotional trauma, you are mediating between your body’s original responses to trauma, which can be incredibly visceral, your brain’s automatic conditioned responses and implications from that trauma, AND simultaneously teaching yourself a new way to process it and work through it.
This week’s report is coming at you early in preparation of the full moon on 12/12 which will occur at 12:12am. We’ve got twin angel numbers here (moon in Gemini also, so more twins!), representing culmination, the turning over of a cycle, love and partnership, and twin flame energy.
If you’ve been dealing with a resurgence of emotional trauma coming up in the past few weeks, you’re not alone. It’s been a purging period. For myself, I’ve been exploring a new relationship and emotional intimacy which has put me ass-deep into a HUGE exhausting mess of old energies and fears rising up. It wasn’t until I realized what this full moon was that it all seemed to make sense. (Hey my fellow sensitive earth empaths - how often do we have to tell ourselves that we are crazy only to be reminded that we’re actually in perfect alignment with how the universe is shifting and moving? Goodness gracious.)
So I want to encourage you to allow your purging this week leading up to the full moon. I want to encourage you that what you’re feeling doesn’t make you crazy. I want you remind you that even if you feel like you’ve been doing nothing but sitting in grief and you’re absolutely exhausted, you’ve actually been doing the Big Work.
Because of course you’re exhausted.
When you’re actively working with emotional trauma, you are mediating between your body’s original responses to trauma, which can be incredibly visceral, your brain’s automatic conditioned responses and implications from that trauma, AND simultaneously teaching yourself a new way to process it and work through it.
You are actively trying to calm your nerves, reminding them that what your brain is saying may not be true. You are trying to stop your brain’s impulse to send out the adrenaline alarm bells that create hormonal changes and stress in your body.
You are calming your body, teaching it how to breathe again. How to relax its muscles. How to expand instead of contract. Teaching it how to feel safe, even when history and adrenaline is trying to convince it otherwise.
You are feeling your feelings. You are doing your best to send out love and compassion for yourself when all you want to do is cry or give up or isolate.
OF COURSE YOU’RE FUCKING TIRED.
But you’re literally changing your brain. Your body. Your emotions. Your energy. You are changing everything. Shaking out the entirety of your experience and using a sifter to separate the dirt from the stardust.
Don’t forget to reach out for help even when you tell yourself you can’t or shouldn’t. When you choose to reach out instead of isolating, you’re rewiring your brain to accept community and support. Don’t forget to rest. Eat plenty. Move and stretch. Sleep more than you think you need to. It’s okay to not be okay.
How to Love the Scorpio Moon
In honor of the Scorpio full moon and my own moon in Scorpio, I also wanted to share some of my favorite altar items for spells and intentions surrounding these themes of shadow work, rebirth, dark sensuality, and peering into the unknown.
Are you the prey or the predator?
The hunter or the hunted?
Scorpio Moon asks you to be both.
She demands your submission, but respects your power.
Her strength in depth is a living web of contradiction and paradox.
Come to her, and you will see everything you've ever wanted to see,
and everything you wish you could un-see.
Fear her and love her as the terrible Queen she is.
For her womb is a black hole, and her domain is rebirth.
Refuse your own courage, and she will close the portal with a vengeance.
She doesn't entertain cowardice.
But she rewards fatal bravery handsomely.
Her love is swift and stinging and full of pleasure.
Deny her at your own peril.
For we're all going to die.
But with her, you are reborn.
In honor of the Scorpio full moon and my own moon in Scorpio, I also wanted to share some of my favorite altar items for spells and intentions surrounding these themes of shadow work, rebirth, dark sensuality, and peering into the unknown.
Black Candles
You can't honor the mysterious Scorpio without a black candle. Literally lighting a flame over the dark, black candles represent the hidden shadows that the scorpio can peer into so naturally. If you're uncomfortable using only black candles, feel free to balance it out with white candles.
Shark Teeth
I like to use a mortar and pestle to crush a shark tooth into powder for various spells and potions. Shark teeth can be used for protection, boundaries, cleansing, forward motion, and I enjoy a little bit of predatory energy in there. I spent hours combing beaches for these teeth, which makes them all the more potent. Personally collected items are always more powerful.
Snake Skin
What's more representative of the shedding of skins than an actual shed skin? Serpents are often vilified in myth, but they are powerful creatures of transformation. They are also associated with Lilith and with Kundalini. The serpent started showing up in my life as a symbol of the Goddess before I even knew what it was there for, and I still dream of being bitten by snakes when I'm undergoing spiritual initiations.
Water from Lake Superior
I collected water from Lake Superior, as it has the same icy depths as a Scorpio moon. Collecting water from your favorite places for magickal works is incredibly powerful, and different places have different energies for you to utilize.
Black Velvet or Lace
Put it on your altar, wear it, put it on to take it off (hehe), just enjoy it. The Scorpio moon loves that dark sexy aesthetic.
The Tao te Ching
The original grimoire of the power of paradox and poetry, Lao Tzu's Tao te Ching is full of inspiration. The Scorpio moon loves poetry and is always looking for new ways to dive in and understand the Self, and every time you open the Tao te Ching, the passages hit you in a new way.
Feathers
To represent the rising of the Phoenix from the ashes. Eagle feathers especially, as eagles are a symbol of Scorpio.
Ashes or Bones
A special nod to the death/rebirth cycle and immortal consciousness. I have a small bottle of the ashes of my animal familiar, my handsome wolfy dog, that passed a few years ago. Ashes also represent the sands of Time.
Mirrors
Whether a black scrying mirror or a standard mirror, this is the perfect time for you to gaze into your own reflection. But look at yourself honestly...you might be surprised.
Now go put "I Put A Spell On You" on repeat and seduce yourself under the light of the moon.
