Pumpkin Pie and Healing Ancestral Trauma

Everyone has a shadow side. 

We learn more about the light from the shadows than we do from the actual light itself. Without contrast, there is no growth and no understanding. 

The key to healing ancestral trauma is recognizing and knowing the shadow doppelgängers of your family members. To see each person as multiple people, and being willing and able to look at them in a multifaceted way. To approach with curiosity, not bitterness. To be prepared for compassion to replace any impulse for demonization. 

This week I dreamt that I was kidnapped by the shadow doppelgänger of my grandmother, and she demanded I go to live with her and my shadow mother, or as she put it, my “real mother.” I learned some interesting things about the both of them, and where their shadows were. I even called my mom afterwards to talk about it, and to figure out whether these shadow depictions were accurate. (They were!) And seeing it laid out like that gave me a clear path to ancestral patterns being passed down and passed up and altered with each generation. And honestly? Seeing them like that only filled me with more love and compassion for them. I mean, the shadow side of my female lineage literally asked me to come live with them. Which is a very clear call for shadow work and compassion and illuminates the areas ready for more love. 

After this nationwide holiday week filled with family time and many mixed dynamics, you may be feeling the same call. Whether you’re estranged from family, or need strong boundaries when with family, or actually feel very close to family, this energy of togetherness can shine a light on ancestral dynamics. So as I sit here, enjoying pumpkin pie and coffee for breakfast, I’d like to encourage you to take this opportunity to reflect on how you view the shadow doppelgängers of your family members and how those reflections may bring you more and more understanding on how to heal your line.

(note: this doesn’t mean you have to have any certain type of relationship with family members if it’s your choice not to. You can still do this kind of work from your end without any real-world contact.)

Practices: 

Clear yourself - use smoke cleansing, ritual baths/showers and nature to clear yourself of any excess energy taken on from family time. 

Gratitude - no matter what your experience with family is like, hold onto at least a thread of gratitude for the things that make you feel loved so you may weave together more. 

Cord Cuttings - this is a great time for cord cuttings if you’re trying to break a certain dynamic or pattern with someone 

Journaling - try journaling and creating shadow characters for your family members so you can begin to separate out their aspects. Once you’ve developed characters for their shadows, you can have an intentional relationship with those aspects so you can learn even more about how to heal ancestral patterns. (This is very similar to the Victims and Villains exercise in my book I Don’t Want To Be An Empath Anymore) 

Riding Blue Whales and Shouting "Fuck" Into The Void

After many weeks of not remembering my dreams, I dreamt I went swimming with a blue whale. She put her enormous face towards me, so I could nuzzle her cheek lovingly as she blinked slowly in recognition. And then she let me slide onto her back as she took me on a ride.

The cool thing about blue whales is how they take up space. They’re the largest animal in the world, even bigger than dinosaurs. The reason they can get that large is because the water is what supports them and not their own frames. If they had to support themselves, they couldn’t. But because they rely on the ocean to carry them, they can continue to expand into the space they’re in. 

The metaphor is almost too beautiful. How many times has your power diminished for the sake of fitting into a specific space that wasn’t meant for you? How often do you quiet yourself, shrink yourself, primp yourself, lie to yourself, or stunt your own growth, to match your surroundings? To fit into the space you are “supposed” to fit in. 

What if you just…didn’t. What if you knew with absolute certainty that the Universe was on your side, supporting you and your power even when you couldn’t support it yourself? What if you expanded and took up more space? Took up different space? Created entirely new space just for yourself? This is the primary message she had for me as I rode on her back through the water.

The thing about taking up more space is that you kinda have to say it out loud, like a verbal handshake with the Universe. That’s where mama whale helps again…her calls are can be heard from hundreds of miles away. That’s some clear communication! I think when you take up that much space, and you inhabit such a vast environment, being a clear communicator is a necessity. Clear communication is the best way to express boundaries. You must be able to express them verbally, too. Thinking them isn’t enough. Especially if you’re going to be a powerful oneironaut traversing the universe with grace. 

Let’s practice being fierce spiritual blue whales. Try shouting this into the void. Or into the comment section. Or into the face of your ex. Your call. 

They may say your body is wrong. Too big. Too small. Too pretty. Too ugly. 

Fuck you! This is my physical body and it takes up space! 

They may tell you to stop being so emotional. 

Fuck you! These are my emotions and they take up space! 

They may say that no one cares about your opinion.

Fuck you! This is my voice and it takes up space! 

I really like the therapeutic qualities of shouting “fuck” — it expels a lot of energy. So I always recommend it. It’s a great shortcut for expressing power and confidence. But whale energy is easy. So once you’ve practiced shouting “fuck” into the void, it’s time to settle into the ease of taking up the space that is meant for you. Whales don’t need permission to be. Whales don’t care about the opinion of fish. They move with grace and elegance. They exist because they know there is more than enough space for them to do so and they have the discernment to know where their space is. (A blue whale would quickly die in a desert.)

Affirmations: 

I trust that the Universe supports my expansion. 

I verbalize my boundaries clearly to others so I can expand into myself even further. 

I recognize which spaces are for meant for me and use discernment in expanding into them. And at the same time, I recognize which spaces were not meant for me but I am destined to expand into for the betterment of the world. 

Keywords/themes: Listening to and following intuition, taking up space, trusting the universe, allowing yourself to be, using clear communication, verbalizing boundaries 

Other influences: With Mercury Retrograde now at an end, now that you’ve reviewed and sifted through those deep relationships or patterns that aren’t compatible with the space you now need - allow yourself to take up what you need to grow. 

Extra practices: 

Singing - clears your throat chakra, gives you power, and it just feels so damn good

Work with Boundaries - make sure to read the chapter on boundaries in my book I Don’t Want To Be An Empath Anymore, for more detailed practices. 

Dreaming - start a dream journal, even if you think you don’t remember your dreams. Even starting by writing down the tiniest details or just the feeling you woke up with, will open up your dreams quite easily. 

Reality - Watch a doc on underwater creatures. Oh the things you’ll learn! 

Journaling Exercise - journal about the different spaces that you live in. The ones that you’re expected to fit into, the ones that people try to push you into (and the ones you try to push yourself into), the ones that you wish you could be in. Bringing awareness to the way you take up space in your life is the first step to changing how you approach it. 

Once you realize how you’re operating in the space you’re in, you can call upon the blue whale to help you expand and grow into the realest and truest version of yourself. 

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